Well I know it’s not the current flavour of the hour, but I been giving a good deal of thought to the Penang Monorail malarchy. See I 
love Penang, well more to the point I love Georgetown (up to the boundaries of the Komtar monstrosity) as the old town is just proper amazing. I hope you Malaysians appreciate just how phenominal that little city is. Wah, it’s like my eyes are constantly rolling in their sockets whilst I walk around there, with all the amazing little areas with totally different feelings, smells, buildings, noises and stories. Really this place is something special and it delights me to go there. It’s what I imagined Sinagapore, Malacca or even KL to be, before I came and got profoundly disappointed (OK, singapore didn’t have much option what with it being totally flattened in WW2 bombings). So there is Georgetown simply oozing history from the Far East, and looking every bit like it had in my imaginings from reading books and watching old movies.
So, imagine the horror in my mind when I realised that some kurang ajar loonatics were planning to build an enormous concrete leviathon in the middle of the street and line all the amazing old roads with concrete pillars – and all in the name of PROGRESS??? My goodness, what totally horrific mentality could even consider such an idea? Has anybody actually considered how awful it would be? It would end up looking like KL – only, only, oh god, words cannot even begin to express how I feel about the thought of such a lovely old town with such an acreage of history and heritage being, well, raped to death, viscously at that, by a big rotten concrete pylon.
I had a few sleepless nights over that (no shit, especially after reading the complete works of W Someset Maughan, which I recommend to absolutely everybody as it’s very derogatory of white people and you’ll all have a jolly good laugh). Then suddenly a few weeks ago it seems that the Island of Temples finally got its prayers answered.
First a UNESCO listing, which is brilliant, however needs stern monitoring as you DO NOT need it to turn into a rancid tourist Disneyland (face it this country actually has crap loads of money, and the nation would be prosperous beyond everybodys wildest dreams if only you could stop people stealing all of the money – I suggest the hudud style of dismemberment for corruption, if only for a few months. Sorry where was I?) and all the locals being forced out by rising housing prices and widespread gentrification (ie: faking it) so that it looses all of the things that make it so amazing.
Then of course the Monorail got suspended. Seemingly BN think they are punishing the Penangites, but I really think that IT IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. Really, that island doesn’t bloody need a Monorail, for pities sake, what a totally nonsensical suggestion (presumably thought up by the rich buggers who blow up mountains to make cement) – especially when you look at the KL Monorail (or as I like to call it the Monumental waste of time, money, effort, space and rescources rail – as I am not a Malaysian and prefer to elongate rather than trunkate) and the fact that it has been built to cater for twice as many passengers but doesn’t seem to want to bother with all that mass-transit nonsense.
So, how about Penang looks to what it used to have – namely the Tramway that still exists under the streets, and get down to re-opening that. A tramway actually gets people away from their cars, and they can hop on and off very easily, also there is no problem with knowing if a tram stops there (particularly helpful when somebody puts the Bus Stop sign 50 meters from the bus stop and facing in the wrong direction) as you can see tracks on the floor.
Nobody should post a comment saying “but what about the car users” - if you do, I will mail bomb any further posts from you with obscenities, as the Private automobile has done untold damage to that beautiful city already, and it’s time for you to stop.
And as for the 2nd bridge? Adoiii they want to bring 100 000 more cars each day. Why???? Why not make the bridge as a train bridge?? Then you can bring 100 000 more PEOPLE everyday. Why not make the ferries twice as large, and twice as many of them? Enlarge the ferry port parking area so you don’t get that obscene jam along the road to Weld Quay because of all the parked cars. Hey, why not demolish Komtar while you’re at it – it’s repellant, and the bus station underneath it??? Ayoyoyoyooo it’s worse than hades under there.
You don’t need another ring road – WHY DON’T YOU MAKE THE EXISTING ONE COMPREHENSIBLE TO THOSE WITH AN IQ LESS THAN 350 BEFOREHAND.
You know what I mean? All this talk about mega-projects, when the contractors have shown for years that they can’t even deal with a minor project properly.
Love to Penang, F*&^ the monorail, B%^^*#(s to the cars, get the tram back again.
Come on Lim Guan Eng, you’re a good lad, open your eyes to the reality. BN just did you a massive favour, you don’t need the stupid destructive mega projects.
